


someday ill get better

by katiecarothers (orphan_account)



Category: The Princess Saves Herself In This One
Genre: Multi, Poetry, Slam Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-17 07:25:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16970310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/katiecarothers
Summary: Honestly, this is just a collection of poems I wrote. It’s not really a big part of a fandom or anything, and I don’t plan on anyone reading them. I just want to write them out. They were inspired by “The Princess Saves Herself In This One” book series by Amanda Lovelace, which is why I put it as a fandom. Also, for the most part, my poetry was supposed to start off as slam poetry. Take it as you please if you’re reading this. Thanks :)





	1. Chapter 1

You Don’t Deserve A Proper Title.

I spent most of my life being the heartbreaker-  
Not the heartbreakee,  
And in that period,  
Through my eyes you couldn’t see.  
That I was already broken-  
That was, when you walked into my life,  
When I wanted to end it-  
That sounds about right. And you became my best friend and my feelings got attached  
But you had someone else  
So I tried not to mind that.  
But because of your someone else,  
I wanted to be someone else,  
And no it’s not a cry out for help,  
I just thought you felt the same as well.  
Until the day you chose them over me,  
And my blind eyes started to see  
That when you said “I love you”  
It meant “you’re not enough for me”  
And like a bee, that made a sting.  
Yet how could we just be a fling?  
You said you’d leave them just for me.  
We even planned out a family-  
And you were so quick to say you’d drop them.  
But they’re touching you and I can’t stop them.  
And you said you would drop them,  
But I’m the only one dropping things.  
Just another 40 pounds,  
I promise there’s no stopping me.  
At this point you’re starting to realize the damage you’ve done,  
But you’ll stay here knowing I’ll shatter if you run.  
I just wish I saw this before it begun,  
I mean, I kinda did,  
And now we’re both stunned.  
You know I skip 2 meals a day,  
Hoping someday you might need me.  
I want you to say “I love you”  
But all your words just sound deceiving  
And maybe this is my fault.  
I shouldn’t have made you choose,  
But I needed your true honesty,  
Now I have nothing to lose.  
Because at this point you’ll realize that you were made of fire,  
And I was made of ice,  
But you didn’t see it in my attire.  
And now I’ll never be the same,  
But a watery imitation.  
If “I love you” was a promise,  
It’s a shame to see it breaking.  
And it’s hard to name this Poem,  
I can’t just give it a title.  
I don’t need you as another name I add into my files.  
And it’s been like this for a while,  
Now we’re going out of style.  
Why’d you say you love me if all your words were vial?  
Now my hearts on trial  
And I sit here in denialS  
Every “I love you”  
You said was false advertisement that lasted miles-  
And I saw it everywhere, from bulletins to flyers.  
So now I keep sheltered in briars and barbed wires.  
And hope that you won’t get in,  
Pray you won’t bloody your hands.  
But somehow I know you’ll find a way to steal back my heart without plans.


	2. I Am.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of triggering. It’s a little bit about self harm and everything. This entire book is, if I’m honest.

I am;  
the girl who at one point couldn’t feel her legs because the night before I had gotten them slaughtered.  
I am;  
The slaughterer- the one who tried to kill that girl.  
I am;  
Eve’s daughter.   
Yes, the one the Catholic’s warned you about!  
I am.  
I am a broken girl who only lets you see the two letters “O K” or “F-I-N-E”  
No-  
I am the girl in the movies who has spent her entire life looking for her Prince Charming,  
But will never admit that I am actually a queen in search for her lost princess.  
I am.  
I am the queen who is lost but maybe if I found a princess,  
I would start to believe that I am not the wicked witch of the west.  
I am the girl who will beat herself up because I feel like the worst always takes the place of my best.  
I am the girl who tried to kill herself last night.  
The girl who probably won’t admit that without a cry-  
The girl who probably shouldn’t bother with killing herself because she’s already dead inside.  
The girl who feels like she is that big of a failure that she CANT go through with suicide.  
I am.  
I am the girl who cuts herself so minimal yet so abundantly,  
Leaving just enough scars to trickle blood on lonely nights.  
I am the girl who relapsed and lie if they ask why-  
I am the broken girls who believes maybe she needs some type of God.   
But the only god she believes in is the blade-  
I mean- boy!  
She calls him Sebastian,  
You’ve probably heard his name before along with the names Ana and Mia.  
I am;  
The girl who stores inside in hopes to hide these demons.  
Somehow I become this monster over time,  
I give myself the treason.  
I am the girl who wants to wake up and say “I am beautiful” without having to put on mascara every day.  
Someday I hope to look in the mirror and SMILE at my natural appearance,  
With messy brown hair and tired brown eyes,  
But instead I see makeup on clearance  
And smiles that tell lies.  
But that’s not who I wish to say I am.  
No-  
I am beautiful.   
I am tall even though in my 5’2 body, I feel small.  
I am thin enough to float in the wind-  
Even though I have no thigh gap at all.  
I am NOT okay,  
But someday I’m going to be.  
Someday I am going to be “F-I-N-E.”  
And this time it won’t be a lie.

I am happy again.  
And most importantly,  
I’m one of those who survived.


	3. Sebastian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is more than just the name of a boy. This is kind of going to make the last poem make a little bit more sense.

Normally, I tend not to write about love.  
Today, is a bit different,  
We’re going to talk about my first-  
My first love was a razor blade who cut through my skin and somehow I decided that I fell in love with him.  
And for that sake, we are going to give him a name.  
His name is Sebastian-  
Sebastian’s way of romance was full of red.  
No, not the roses-  
Just a teeming amount of blood.  
Sebastian was unaware of this,  
He just let me have the power to cause a flood-  
Sebastian.  
Sebastian never said “I love you”  
But he was receptive enough to try.  
He’d get me alone in a corridor, and I’d reveal to him my thighs-   
One of my biggest insecurities.  
And he would tell me I was safe.  
He found a way to assure me that I’d never hit a vein.  
And as our relationship grew deeper,  
He’d get closer and closer to the pain.  
Now, I’m 17 years old and this “boyfriend” has gone insane.  
He has my body marked like tallies-  
But I swear he’s not abusive.  
But there came a sudden intrusion.  
I decided that I like girls-  
And her name was Ana.  
Now, Sebastian never left and Ana gladly joined,  
Now both of them have turned on me,  
This Love was anything but poised.


	4. And then there were three of us.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is about eating disorders, so beware.

I was lonely.  
Yes, lonely, a six letter word used to describe someone in solitary-  
The good thing was I never worried about arbitrary-  
Until the very day I decided I needed culinary.  
Yes, culinary.  
Where I learned to make food,  
And I met a friend!   
And now we can call her Ana.  
Ana.  
The friend who hated culinary.  
Ana.  
The friend who wanted me to look the same way she did.  
Ana.  
The friend whom I starved myself with and it was bad between the two of us.  
I couldn’t stand to eat!  
At dinner, my palms got sweaty,  
I was shaking,  
I was weak.  
Then I thought of Ana,  
And how I’d betray her trust.  
But hey, I left Ana for Mia.  
And then there were three of us!  
Now, Mia, was a bit different,  
She’s let me eat all that I could eat.  
But before I could digest it,  
I was down there on my knees-  
Throwing up those bits from cullinary that Ana never made me eat.  
And now Mia’s become my best friend.  
Hey Ana? I think she’s got jealousy!  
She hates the way Mia can convince me to eat.  
And Mia’s not a fan either,  
She thinks starving is weak!  
And at the end of the day,  
Ana and Mia always fights  
And I try not to choose over them,  
But it changes overnight.  
But now the three of us argue,  
And we cry,  
And get bothered.  
By the end of 2 years,  
My whole stomachs getting slaughtered.  
But it’s alright!  
I’m still breathing-  
And I still have my friends!  
And then there was two of us,  
Cuz Ana & Mia killed me in the end.


End file.
